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She Let Go

‘She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgements. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all the memories that held her back. She let go of all the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She go of all the planning and all the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her diary. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.

She just let go.

No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.

There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.

In the space of letting go, she let it all be.

A small smile came to her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.’

Rev. Safire Rose

Glastonbury Festival Flags

So, what does it mean, to let go?

Is it really as simple as just detaching yourself from the outcome of a situation? Where do the ‘confluence of opinions swarming around in her head’ come from? What about the effect on others?

So many questions and who has the answers? The answer to that is quite simple, as it is only YOU who has the answer. That’s all it is really about is what is right for you. There are many quotes I could use here that are shared on many social media networks, but what they all boil down to is that it’s right for you to follow your intuition (the ‘tuition’ that comes from with’in’); listen to your heart not your head, do what is right for you, your intuition uses the eyes of your soul, etc. etc.

What stops us? Usually the fear of being selfish, or being thought of as selfish by others. We carry on doing our ‘duty’, usually, albeit unconsciously, festering resentment because we’re not happy, all because we don’t want to let others down, when truthfully we are letting down the one person we know we’ll be spending the rest of our life with, our self.

This is the journey of discovery I have been on of late. It starts about a year ago. Well, really it goes way further back than that, but that’s another story! So, a year ago, feeling the pressure of what I like to describe as being in a ‘bit of a pickle’; financially mainly, with everything else spiralling down from there. I had a dream, I still have that dream, but because of the events of the past year or so, I have not become so fixated on the dream and find I am enjoying the journey a lot more. You could say I’ve let it go… My dream (ooh, this feels big, voicing it in public) is to eventually have my own yoga and healing retreat centre. I’ve had many different ideas of how it is to come about, none of which have so far come into fruition, being ‘pie in the sky’ as some might say.

I keep a pack of Doreen Virtue’s Ascended Master cards by the side of my bed, for my own personal use. When I asked about the pickle I felt we were in, rather than pulling the Lakshmi ‘Flow of Prosperity’ card I was willing to come out I instead pulled Quan Yin ‘Let It Go’, telling me to let go of the struggle… Hmmm, very frustrating. Anyway, one Sunday morning I’d been feeling particularly low, so I treated myself to watching Cary Grant in ‘Mr Blandings Builds His Dream Home’ in bed with Gareth, my husband. We have had a dream to build our own home since we have been together and though this film is a bitter sweet comedy, I relaxed and began to feel better. After watching the film, I pulled a card, again asking ‘What do I need to do to get us out of this situation?’ This time I pulled ‘Meditate’, so I did. In my meditation I could see my retreat centre, in a particular place and built by us to our own design. Something else came to me in that meditation, that the card was also saying I should record meditations like those I lead at the end of my yoga class…

I spiraled off into other directions with my ideas, highs and lows, planning this, that and the other. I had borrowed a book from a friend, Chris Evans’s first autobiography ‘It’s Not What You Think’ and on reading this and understanding the way he had got to where he is, which despite what some may think, is really all about doing what he loves, I wondered if I should write to him with my ideas. Cutting a very long story short, I didn’t write to him, but one grey morning in January, listening to the Chris Evans‘ Breakfast Show on BBC Radio 2, I heard the latest idea going viral is (due to Jerry Seinfeld having practised it for years) that meditation is good for you. He asked for anyone that knew anything about meditation to contact the show, so I texted in. I think the fact that I mentioned I live in Glastonbury was a big sway, the assistant producer rang me, we had a chat and he said he wanted me on the show, if they were still going with that thread. They weren’t, so it didn’t happen that day, but I felt they might have me on the show the following morning. Lo and behold, when I turned my phone on the next day, there was a message from the assistant producer saying they wanted me on the show in half an hour to give people top tips on finding ‘instant calm’. And so it came to be; I chatted with Chris Evans for six minutes’ airtime on many things from breathing to Zen. I was high as a kite for a couple of days. When I came down, I remembered what was going on here: I had set an intention that I wanted to help people, using ways that had helped me. The media, for all its strengths and weaknesses, was a great way to reach as many people as possible. Intent is everything; that is key.

I had recorded some meditations the previous December which were still in production. Once they were ready I had the idea to now write to Chris Evans, to thank him for having me on the show and to send him one of my meditations. So I did. As a foot note I mentioned briefly that if I saw him at Glastonbury Festival I’d say hello. I remembered last year him running the Breakfast Show from there and Alex Jones being out in the field; I had images in my head of meeting her, doing what I had no idea, but that was not for me know. So, I sent one of my meditation CDs and then I let it go.

A couple of months went by, the tickets for the festival were sold. We didn’t have the money to go this year plus we have a young dog to care for and I thought no more of it. Then, I got a lovely phone call from the assistant producer again, asking what was I doing at the festival and could they have me on the show again to meet Alex Jones… But, eek! I didn’t have a ticket! Again, cutting a long story short, there were highs and lows, I did have a ticket and then I didn’t, I was going to be on the show and then I wasn’t, I had times of tears and sheer frustration, leading to outbursts and release. I arranged for friends to be doing their thing with Alex Jones, Joe Hoare doing his laughter workshops and Donna doing her salsa but I couldn’t be on the show. Then I let it go again. It really didn’t matter. On the grand scale of things, I had all I needed: a roof over my head, parts of which leak at times, but at least it’s there, food to eat and a loving family, including the animals that honour us by sharing their lives with us, I’m very lucky. Gareth had booked the time off over the festival and so I thought of spending quality time with him, plus I really didn’t want to see Metallica, so I completely let it go… And that’s when it all came together: I got a ticket to work in a bookshop (I love books) with a crowd of people I know and love, in the Field of Avalon, which is one of my favourite parts of the festival, and I had an email to say the BBC wanted me to meet Dermot O’Leary and Jo Whiley and be on their radio show live from the festival. That became even more exciting, for reasons I won’t go into now, but it felt fantastic.

That was all last weekend. I’m exhausted but it was all worth it. I even got to go along when my friends were with Alex Jones, so I got to meet her after all too. On the radio, I sat between Dermot and Jo on their ‘comfortable’ sofa and gave tips for staying calm and grounded when all about you feels overwhelming, as it can be at a festival, helping people to find their inner peace, which they can take with them wherever they go. It’s about spreading love and peace really. I hope my hero, John Lennon, would be proud of me.

Where it will go now, I’m not focusing on. I’m finding it easier to be in the moment and above all: Trust. That was the card I kept pulling throughout all the mayhem. My favourite chapter in ‘Autobiography of a Yogi’ by Paramahansa Yogananda kept coming to me: ‘Two Penniless Boys in Brindaban’.  A young Paramahansa Yogananda was challenged to set out for the day with a friend, to travel by train, eat and return home, plus completing other missions, all without a penny, which they did successfully. All they had to do was keep the faith and let go of both their idea of the way it might happen and the outcome, handing it over to a greater power. It leads to a much more peaceful way of being.

Bon Jovi wrote the song and the album Keep the Faith after they had been through difficult times as a band; they came through it, changed, better, sounding different as a result, wanting to spread a message of hope. ‘Faith: you know you’re gonna live thru the rain.’

‘Synchronicity happens when we align with the flow of the Universe rather than insisting the Universe flow our way.’ Akemi Gaines, Why We Are Born.

Something else which has helped me along this path, which deserves so much more than this mere afterthought, so I will come back to it another time, is the Ho’oponopono: a Hawaiian prayer with miraculous healing powers. The reason it fits in this particular story is because of its underlying principle, which I read in the book Zerolimits by Dr Joe Vitale, which quotes the words and wisdom of Dr Huw Len:

‘Problems are memories replaying. Memories are programs. They aren’t just yours. They are shared. The way to release the memory is to send love to the Divinity. Divinity hears and responds but in the way best for all, at the time right for all. You choose but you don’t decide. Divinity decides.’

In these complicated lives of ours that intertwine, sometimes working together, sometimes veering apart, we are all really only in it for one thing, to love and be happy.

By finding that within ourselves, it is easier to spread it out, taking 100% responsibility for each other.

Really that’s only further loving ourselves as, after all, we are all one.

That’s really not so selfish, is it?